K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
