New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
