brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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