remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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