bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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