chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
