I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
