I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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