i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
