Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
