i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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