just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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