My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
