Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
