sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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