As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
There are leaves in my underwear?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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