Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just had sex bonerless
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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