not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
