I showed him my bush... on skype.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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