I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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