The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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