I'm eating all of the evidence.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
