Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
