I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
