i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
