he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Edward fifth and chaser hands
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
