how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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