Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
