Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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