My liver just broke up with me...
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
