Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
