update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
