I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
