It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
