Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
