I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
