it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
