I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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