Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
