if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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