I'm so fucking centered right now
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
