Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
