That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
