Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
