She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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