you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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