well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
