You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I didn't notice because vodka
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
