I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i barfeds in our rink
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
