Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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