I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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