I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
