I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
