I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
