so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
